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I Only Say This Because I Love You is aimed mostly at adult family interactions. Professor Deborah Tannen, the popular author of You Just Don't Understand, uses anecdotes filled with dialogues to illustrate why we hear criticism when the other person meant to convey caring, how family members create alignments with secrets and broken confidences, the dynamics of arguments, the power of apologies, gender patterns in family talk, and communication with teens. You're bound to recognize your family members--and yourself!--in Tannen's examples.
You won't find quick, easy answers for improving communication in your family, but you will discover another dimension of understanding what's really going on. Now if you could just get your mother to read the book! --Joan Price
As Tannen shows, the first step in decoding family talk is to separate word meanings, or messages, from what she calls "heart meanings," or metamessages--unstated but powerful meanings we glean not only from words spoken but also from tone of voice, phrasing, or family history. Using real conversations, she shows how innocent (or not-so-innocent) remarks can lead to hurt feelings, and how small arguments can escalate into fights and even family feuds. Uncovering hidden meanings, opening lines of communication to teens, dealing with family secrets--it's all here, presented in Tannen's clear and entertaining trademark style.
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