Kiss & Blog: A Novel - Softcover

Chapter One
“Can I please go now?” I’m staring at my mom, willing her to stop talking and acknowledge me. But she just pushes her long wavy hair off her face, glances at me briefly, then turns back to her customer, continuing their discussion on the benefits of a totally gluten-free diet.
I roll my eyes and tap my foot against the bamboo floor. I’m sick of gluten haters. Totally over soy lovers. And don’t even get me started on yoga, people who meditate, or anything certified organic. Untying my hemp apron with the words new day organics embroidered in bold green letters along the front, I wad it into a ball, and glance nervously at the clock. I’m down to just fifteen minutes until I need to be at Sloane’s.
“Mom?” I whine, a little louder this time.
And when she finally looks at me, she has this big smile planted firmly across her face. But I know it’s for the customer, not me. I mean, I can see her eyes. And believe me, they tell a whole different story. She gazes at her watch, and then back at me, and then her makeup-free brown eyes travel all the way over to the ball of nubby beige cloth clutched tightly in my hand. And just as her head begins a kind of slow-mo, downward descent, indicating she’s just about to perform the much-anticipated “okay” nod, the little bell on the front door rings, and the spell is broken.
“Go see what they need, and then you can go,“ she says, smiling as she gets back to her customer and the great gluten debate.
I roll my eyes, shake my head, and don’t even try to contain the sigh that escapes my lips as I unfold my apron, slip it back over my head, and get behind the counter, where I’m confronted with the three most glamorous, most important members of Ocean High School’s sophomore class.
“Oh, hey,“ I say, smiling nervously and glancing in their general direction, since I’m so not worthy of looking directly at them. But they don’t say anything. And I mean, why would they? It’s not like they ever notice me at school. “Can I get you something?” I ask, watching as they squint through their identical, shiny black Dior sunglasses at the smoothie menu hanging on the wall behind me.
“I’ll have the Purple Berry Haze with a shot of soy protein,“ says Jaci, whose shiny blond hair, big blue eyes, golden tan, petite frame, perfect face, and Marc Jacobs intensive wardrobe serve as valuable collateral, ensuring her VIP admission to every cool party and every hot guy.
“Exact same,“ say Holly and Claire. Which makes me wonder if they read the menu, or just waited for Jaci to order, so then they’d know what they want.
I push up the sleeves of my black New Day Organics T-shirt, and start tossing generous chunks of raspberries, blueberries, and strawberries into the blender, trying to ignore the fact that all three of them are now totally staring at me.
“Why do you look so familiar?” asks Jaci, learning on the counter and narrowing her eyes as she looks me over.
I scoop some nonfat, organic, vanilla-flavored yogurt out of the big plastic tub and add it to the mix. Then I mumble something about having been in the same history class last year.
But she just continues to squint, as though she doesn’t quite believe it. Then suddenly she shakes her head and goes, “Omigod! You’re that girl that sat in the way back!”
Okay, just so we’re clear, I think we can all agree that there are two types of kids who make it a point to sit in the way back.
1. The total stoner-losers who never do their homework and almost always vanish into alternative-school oblivion before the semester is even over.
2. The sober-but-shy losers like me who live for extra-credit assignments and whose only friend in the whole school (okay, world), doesn’t share any of the same classes, so they’re forced to sit alone.
I gaze at her for a moment, amazed at how she actually recognized me, and then I glance briefly at Holly and Claire. “Um, yeah,“ I say. “That was me.”
“But something’s different,“ Jaci says, leaning in even closer now, so that she can get a better look. “Have you lost like, a ton of weight?”
I dump some protein powder on top, reach for the lid, and shrug. All the while trying not to cringe under her close scrutiny. Okay, so maybe I used to be a little heavier, maybe I used to wear a size nine (sometimes seven), and now it’s more like a five (sometimes three). But it’s only because I grew an inch and a half and lost a few pounds of baby fat in the process. I mean, to hear her talk, you’d think I’d just pulled a Nicole Richie or something.
“Seriously. You guys remember, right?” she says, turning to consult with her clones, who just continue to stand there, giving me a blank look. “Well, anyway, you look good.” She smiles. “Ten more and you’ll look even better!”
I just stand there, frozen. I mean, excuse me? Was that not the world’s most insulting compliment? “Oh, well, it’s not like I’m really making an effort,“ I finally say, securing the lid and glancing at her briefly.
“Well, you probably don’t even have to. You know, working here and all.” She smiles, her eyes traveling over me, judging every extra inch.
But I just shrug and flip the switch, watching as the berries swirl into the yogurt, changing color and texture, and thinking how even though I may like to watch it from an artistic angle, it’s not like I’d actually ever touch the stuff.
I prefer an all junk-food diet. See, with no boyfriend (yet), and a best friend (Sloane), who’s also a geeky goody-good like me, prepackaged food is about the only form of rebellion I have--the only way to really freak out my mom. And believe me, it works. She totally bugs when she sees me eating candy bars and Pop-Tarts. And sometimes it seems like her sole purpose in life is to lecture me on how I’m supposedly “poisoning my body with man-made toxins” and “hampering my immune system with transfatty acids.” Personally, I think she could use a little downtime with a Ding Dong and a Dr Pepper. I mean, isn’t it enough to own an organic café? Does she really have to buy into all the hype, too?
But try telling her that. This is a woman who named both her kids after the two most depressing times of the year. That’s right, my name is Winter Snow Simmons, big sister to Autumn Rain Simmons. For real. I would never lie about that. And if you haven’t already guessed by now, my mom’s a hippie. But not the mud-covered, acid-tripping, Woodstock concertgoing kind. I mean, Woodstock was like, before she was even born. She’s more like a modern hippie. You know, the kind who hates pesticides, loves yoga, and refuses to dye her hair, wear makeup, or listen to any music that wasn’t originally recorded on vinyl. Oh, yeah, and she prefers riding an old, beat-up bicycle to driving a car, which believe me, is even more embarrassing than it sounds.
And my dad? Well, he’s pretty much the exact opposite. But it wasn’t always that way. I mean, back when Autumn and I were kids they used to drag us to Grateful Dead shows, where my mom would set up shop in the parking lot, selling her secret recipe organic muffins right out of the back of our old orange-and-white VW van. We even have some old photos of us with our faces all painted, while dancing around in oversized tie-dyed T-shirts.
But then my dad’s garage band scored a Billboard Top Ten hit, and he really “let the success go to his head.” Or at least that’s how my mom describes it. I was pretty young, so it’s not like I can really recall.
Anyway, I guess that’s what eventually drove them apart. My dad started to enjoy the decade he was living in, while my mom stayed rooted in one she was too young to remember.
If that sounds like I’m kind of judging her, well, I guess I am. I mean, don’t get me wrong, she’s a pretty cool, easygoing mom. But sometimes I wish she’d just highlight her hair, slap on some makeup, and drive a big, “irresponsible, gas-hogging SUV” like all the other moms.
And oh, yeah, she named all of the desserts in our bakery-café after songs from the sixties and seventies. You know like “Bad Moon Rising Banana Loaf,“ “Piece of My Heart Tart,“ and “Proud Mary Pie.” But not one is named after my dad’s greatest hit. But then again, that wasn’t even recorded until the nineties.
And as for my dad and his rock godness? Well, that was all pretty short-lived. Their second album totally flopped, and now he lives in New York City, where he owns an art gallery in SoHo.
But before you get the wrong idea and think that having a one-hit-wonder dad, and an organic bakery-café-owning mom makes me popular--think again. The only people at school who actually know my name are Sloane and my English teacher. Everyone else either ignores me or checks the seating chart.
But soon, all that will change.
When the smoothies are finally all blended and ready, I lift the glass container and carefully pour it into three (recycled) plastic cups. And as I look up I come face-to-face with Cash Davis--the single most gorgeous guy to ever walk the face of the earth.
Or at least the sidewalks of Laguna Beach.
But definitely the halls of Ocean High.
I take a deep breath and try to ignore the fact that my hands have gone all shaky, and my upper lip is now sporting major sweat beads, while my stomach is throbbing with this weird, nervous ping. And all of this is occurring because I’ve never actually been this close to him before. Not that I haven’t dreamed of it, like a gazilli...